Parental Involvement in the College Process: The Do’s and Don’ts

So, your child is getting ready to head off to college?  Whether you are the parent of a toddler or the parent of a junior in high school, college demands consideration and preparation.  After all, what is more important than your child’s future?

It’s natural for parents to want the best for their children and do whatever they can to support their aspirations.  How often do we hear or say – My son just made the honor roll; my daughter was accepted to an amazing summer program at Prestigious University; my child earned a 35 on their ACT!  Perhaps you’re a bit more reserved on this front, but boasting about our children’s achievements is often second nature. We brag or boast because we’re proud of their accomplishments. At the same time, consciously or unconsciously, we’re also patting ourselves on the back for a job well done for raising a highly motivated child and a beautiful human being.

How do we as parents catch ourselves before falling into some of the Don’ts of the application process?  Be aware and take a pulse from time to time, asking a few simple questions:

-Are we, as parents, overreaching? 

-Are we doing too much for our sons/daughters where it’s no longer of their own volition? 

-Are we enabling them? 

-Am I spending more time than my son/daughter on their college process?

Since the college application process is an opportunity for the student/candidate to communicate who he/she is and what matters to him/her, it’s best that the stories come authentically from the student’s experience and voice. As the saying goes, “colleges and universities are not admitting the parents.” As such, it’s imperative that the student shows initiative and desire for the type of quality education he/she wants.

The Do’s:

#1 Do support them in their quest for higher educational attainment

#2 Do expose them to resources and opportunities to deepen their learning

#3 Do encourage them to pursue their educational and career dreams

#4 Do allow them to LEAD their college process

Tip:

Set up a specific time (one hour recommended) once per week to discuss all things college. During this time, let’s say 5:00 PM on Tuesdays, you are free to ask, check-in, and encourage your child with their college process.  In an effort to adhere to Do #4, you may encourage your child to lead this discussion before proceeding to your agenda.

The Don’ts:

#1 Don’t go on a college visit and overwhelm admissions officers with your questions. Allow your children to shine by letting them speak for themselves. It shows initiative.

#2 Don’t write or over-edit their college essays for them, as it will be evident that it’s not their voice that comes across to admissions readers, but yours. Invite your son/daughter to engage in a profoundly reflective exercise for a more personalized and captivating storytelling.

#3 Don’t reach out (email or phone call) to an admissions office on behalf of your child with questions or to discuss the application (the exception is for financial matters).  Universities want independent students who do not need their parents to handle conversations/communication.

#4 Don’t assume that you know from experience or from a friend.  Remember, you may have attended college 20+ years ago, and your information about the admissions process may be outdated and no longer apply.  Additionally, be careful of your sources- everyone knows someone who did something (an internship, competition, program, etc.) and was admitted to a highly selective school.  This may be the exception in many situations.  One-off examples are not your best friend when supporting your child.  Seek help and guidance from trained professionals—admissions officers, guidance/college counselors, and/or educational consultants.

Tip:

Remember whose college process this is – your child’s!  S/he is the one whose name will be on the application.  S/he is the one who will be in the interview.  S/he is the one who will be on campus, taking courses, and earning the degree.  If you ever feel that you are putting more effort into the college process than your child, take a pause, review the Do’s and Don’ts, and make a plan for how to best support your child.

The key word is balance. Seek to strike a balance where you can be helpful and supportive while encouraging your child to take more initiative for their learning and development.
If you need any assistance with your application, why not contact us today?

Updated: Originally published in May 2018, updated by our Admissions Consultant, and republished in Aug 2025